Divorce and Kids: How Duplicating Essentials Reduces Stress

For five years, a divorced parent has watched their children, now 11 and 13, live out of bags, shuttling between two homes every week. The routine involves packing clothes, shoes, school bags, and sports equipment—a logistical and emotional challenge for any child. This school year, however, brought a new layer of complexity as the children developed a sudden interest in personal grooming and specific hair care products.

What began as an effort to avoid the "ridiculous" practice of hauling favorite shampoos, perfumes, and colognes back and forth each week evolved into a practical solution. By purchasing duplicates of these small comforts, the parent found a way to ease the stress of transition days and provide a sense of stability, even when they are not physically present.

The weekly shuffle between homes has been a constant in these children's lives for half a decade. While they have always carried their essential belongings, the recent focus on personal style added a new category of items to the packing list. Suddenly, the family was not just packing clothes and school supplies, but also hair products, favorite shampoos, perfumes, colognes, and body washes.

For the parent, the scent of their children's favorite products lingering in the home was a cherished comfort. However, the practical reality of transporting these items every single week felt overwhelming. The emotional weight of the routine is significant, and the parent often packs for their children, understanding the fatigue that comes with loading bags with everything needed for a full week away from home.

• Clothes and shoes packed into reusable bags
• Sports equipment and school backpacks
• Electronics like Chromebooks and phones
• Personal care items for hair and skin

This winter, the parent began a new strategy to simplify the process: buying two of everything. The goal was to ensure the children did not have to live out of bags for their personal care items, providing them with the same comforts in both homes. This decision was driven by a simple question: "would I want to go a full week without my favorite shampoo or hair product?"

The approach was tailored to each child's specific preferences. For the daughter, who loves a particular perfume, the parent found a smaller, on-sale bottle so she could keep it with her at all times. Duplicate shampoos were purchased for both the parent's house and the father's house. For the son, who is particular about his hair, the parent stocks up on his preferred products and body washes. When he wanted a Versace cologne, a full-size bottle was bought for the home and a travel-size version for him to carry.

I buy duplicates so my kids don't live out of bags between homes. Small comforts like shampoo and perfume help ease switch-day stress.

Recognizing that adolescence brings its own challenges, the parent also purchased extra moisturizers and boxes of pimple patches for each home. This ensures the children have what they need to feel confident and manage minor skin issues, even when the parent isn't there to offer advice.

While the strategy works for most personal items, some things are simply too expensive to duplicate. The children's Apple headphones, for instance, still travel back and forth between homes. The daughter's iPad and their individual phones are also part of the weekly load. Clothes remain a key item that must be packed, along with three or four pairs of shoes and seasonal layers like sweaters and jackets.

The parent remains the default for purchasing clothes, school supplies, and personal care items, paying close attention to what makes the children feel confident. Coordinating with their father on shared shopping lists is not a viable option, as their relationship did not end well and contact is intentionally limited. The priority is ensuring the children have what they need without worry or unnecessary tension.

The emotional toll of the weekly goodbye is something the parent carries deeply. After the car is loaded, they share a moment—a joke, a memory, or a compliment—before the inevitable parting. "Watching the other door close always hurts," the parent admits. The love for their children rises straight to their eyes, and the ache of missing them is immediate.

Despite the pain of separation, the parent finds solace in knowing their children are equipped with the small comforts that make them feel good. The strategy of duplicating essential items is more than a logistical fix; it is a way to provide continuity and care across two households. It brings the parent relief to know that, no matter whose week it is, the children have access to the products they love.

This approach helps the parent cope with being apart from their kids. It transforms a stressful routine into something more manageable, allowing the focus to shift from what is being packed to the comfort the children will have once they arrive at their destination. The knowledge that they are prepared and comfortable warms the parent's heart, even in moments of longing.

Knowing they have the things they love, even in smaller or travel-size versions, makes me feel better no matter whose week it is.

Ultimately, the goal is to minimize the emotional weight of the divorced-kid routine. By handling the packing and providing duplicates where possible, the parent shields their children from some of the exhaustion and stress, allowing them to focus on being kids.

The experience of this family highlights a practical approach to managing the complexities of shared custody. By focusing on the details that matter most to children—like their favorite shampoo or a specific cologne—parents can significantly ease the emotional burden of weekly transitions. It is a strategy built on empathy and observation, recognizing that stability often comes from the smallest, most familiar comforts.

For other families navigating similar situations, the lesson is clear: paying attention to what makes children feel confident and secure can make a profound difference. While not every item can be duplicated, the effort to provide consistency across two homes helps children feel cared for and prepared, no matter where they are.

• Listen to your children: Pay attention to the specific items that bring them comfort and confidence.
• Invest in duplicates: For essential personal care items, having a set at each home reduces packing stress.
• Accept limitations: Some items, like electronics, will need to travel; focus on what can be duplicated.
• Emotional support matters: Small comforts can help children feel secure when parents are apart.