Dementia Care Costs Wiped Out Mother's Retirement Savings

A daughter details the financial and emotional toll of caring for a mother diagnosed with dementia shortly after retirement. Despite saving for retirement and owning a home, the mother's savings were quickly depleted by the high costs of assisted living and nursing care, leading to the sale of her condo and eventual reliance on Medicaid. The author, unprepared for the rapid decline and lack of available family support, faced the difficult task of navigating elder care options under crisis conditions. The experience highlights the critical need for proactive planning, including open conversations about aging, financial preparedness, and designated power of attorney, to avoid forcing loved ones into difficult decisions during a health crisis.

Retirement planning often focuses on ideal scenarios, but a sudden health diagnosis can derail even the most careful savings. When the author's mother retired, she owned her home and believed she had "enough" saved in her savings account. She planned to live alone in her condo for her elder years, without much thought to sourcing or paying for help if needed.

However, a sudden illness and hospitalization occurred just a few years into retirement, followed by a dementia diagnosis. The mother never imagined needing to transition from living independently to assisted living and then nursing care in less than a decade. The author notes that her mother planned based on the least expensive scenario, which did not account for the reality of high-cost medical needs.

Caught off guard while raising a toddler and a new baby, the author had to jump into action to sort through a tangled mess of finances and a home in disarray. Living a couple of hours away, the author felt the weight of caregiving for both small children and aging adults. With the mother being single and no other family members nearby except a brother with Down Syndrome, there was simply no one available to help.

The author spent hours researching and touring facilities to find an assisted living option closer to her home that fit the budget. However, the decision was made quickly under stress without existing knowledge of what questions to ask. The author later discovered that the facility was much more expensive than initially quoted and that there were frequent add-on expenses for necessary medical or support interventions.

The mother's savings ran out quickly due to the high cost of care. The author's uncle flew across the country to help clear out and sell the mother's condo to provide funds for the new living arrangement. A critical oversight occurred when the author failed to ask if the facility would accept Medicaid if funds ran out; the answer was no.

Furthermore, staff eventually informed the author that her mother needed a higher level of care. Despite initial assurances that the mother could stay through end-of-life, the author learned this assumed a minimum level of physical and cognitive self-sufficiency. Consequently, the author had to research elder care again, specifically looking for a facility that provided a higher level of care and accepted Medicaid. After getting on a waiting list for a year, the mother moved into a skilled nursing facility, and her funds were depleted just months later, transitioning her to Medicaid.

The author's experience illustrates the importance of eldercare planning before it is needed. The experience taught the importance of having open conversations with loved ones about their wishes for aging, including plans for potentially more expensive and higher care needs. It is crucial to document preferred and alternative living care options, establish financial plans, designate a power of attorney, and clearly communicate health wishes.

While the author is thankful that her mother and brother are covered by Medicaid and cared for in quality facilities, she wishes her mother had been more open to sharing her wishes, health, and financial situation sooner. Avoiding these conversations while healthy places a greater burden on loved ones and can result in a lower quality of life toward the end.