Esther Wojcicki: Parenting Lessons from Tech Leaders' Mother

Esther Wojcicki developed her parenting philosophy after experiencing a personal tragedy at age ten. Her baby brother died from accidentally swallowing aspirin, an event she attributes to her mother's hesitation to question a doctor's authority. This experience instilled in her the value of independent thinking and the courage to ask questions.

Her three daughters achieved significant success in technology and academia. Susan Wojcicki served as CEO of YouTube from 2014 to 2023. Anne Wojcicki co-founded and served as CEO of 23andMe. Janet Wojcicki is a researcher at the University of California, San Francisco. All three attended prestigious universities for their undergraduate degrees.

The parenting approach centers on the TRICK acronym: Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. Esther encouraged her daughters to become self-sufficient from a young age, making their own breakfasts and lunches, and traveling to activities independently. The family mantra of fail fast and revise promoted resilience and innovation, eventually becoming influential in Silicon Valley startup culture.

Esther Wojcicki's commitment to independent thinking began at age ten when her baby brother died at eighteen months old. The toddler had swallowed too many aspirin while playing with a bottle. When her mother called the family doctor, he advised putting the child to bed, but he never woke up.

Esther attributes the tragedy to her mother's fear of questioning medical authority. She recalls that her mother was "just a little immigrant" and the doctor was "an important person." This dynamic left a lasting impression on Esther, who vowed never to be afraid to ask questions or challenge authority figures.

Decades later, this principle became the cornerstone of her parenting. She prioritized raising independent thinkers who relied on themselves and were not afraid of failure. Her main philosophy was straightforward: if you do not succeed on the first attempt, that is acceptable—simply try again.

Esther Wojcicki summarized her parenting approach using the acronym TRICK, which stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. She identifies these as the fundamental tenets of effective parenting.

The components of TRICK include:

• Trust: Empowering children by trusting them with tasks, even simple ones like making dessert, helps them feel capable and builds self-esteem.
• Respect: This involves truly listening to children and discussing decisions with them, even when parents cannot always grant their requests.
• Independence: Essential for developing into self-sufficient adults, independence requires parents to avoid doing everything for their children.
• Collaboration: Working with children rather than dictating to them fosters autonomy and trust. Esther observed that students who helped create classroom rules were more likely to follow them.
• Kindness: While actions may be forgotten, the feelings they create last forever.

She emphasizes that fail fast and revise was a constant refrain in their household. This approach mirrors the iterative process used in Silicon Valley startups, where rapid failure leads to quick improvements.

Independence was practiced practically from toddlerhood. Esther's daughters began making their own breakfasts at a very young age. She kept cereal and milk in a small jug on a low refrigerator shelf so they could reach it. While messes were common, the girls loved the autonomy, and Esther appreciated the extra sleep.

As they grew older, the children made their own sandwiches for lunch. Esther notes that the results were often visually unappealing, but the girls were happy to have made their own meals. They also took on the responsibility of riding their bicycles to swim practice alone and organizing their own playdates. Esther describes them as "do-it-yourselfers."

She contrasts this upbringing with the current "culture of fear" she observes with her ten grandchildren. Parents today often worry about kidnapping or facing legal consequences for allowing children to walk to school alone. Despite these societal pressures, Esther maintains that providing children with independence and space to make mistakes remains critical.

Esther Wojcicki believes that parents must also grant themselves the freedom to fail. She argues that constant worry about doing everything perfectly stifles creativity. Parents cannot develop creative solutions if they are paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes.

The educational background of her daughters reflects the success of this approach. They attended Stanford University, Harvard University, and Yale University for their undergraduate studies. Their professional achievements in leading major technology companies and research institutions validate the efficacy of a parenting style that values resilience and self-reliance over micromanagement.

By fostering an environment where failure is viewed as a learning opportunity rather than a setback, Esther Wojcicki provided her children with the tools to navigate complex challenges. Her story illustrates how early independence and the willingness to question the status quo can lead to extraordinary outcomes.